There are times when we feel down , and there are times when we don’t .. there are times when u want to grow up so fast that it all blurs out. And then come the times when u wish u hadnt grown up so fast – and u wish had somebody – somebody u could talk to in these times, someone – who would tell u ur still a kid, someone who doesn’t judge u for all the things u do, someone u can be urself in front of, I wish sometimes, I wish it bad , that this was not the power game it is …. I wish it wasn’t so tough all the time, u have to take disappointment so often – so often things don’t turn out the way they ought to…

It all comes back to the basic question doesn’t it – the basic question –
Who am i??

I think the biggest challenge we face in our lives is the challenge to really find urself…
I havent been able to find myself – even though I have practically been looking for it for the past 20 yrs..


I want to find myself sometimes and sometimes I just like being lost – I like it that we are lost – I like it that the quest hasn’t ended – what would I do – if I found myself – probably be dissapointed ……….


i am tires now ... i want to sleep ... sleep -- and wake up fresh - happier with myself......

Dreaming on... long after you stopped

There's a new teacher in class today, new as in not only new to us, but new to teaching as well. Naive enough to beleive everyone in class is studying, naive enough to believe that iitians can grasp everything and work very hard.

Naive .... but you know what i saw, i saw that the fact that she thought it was all true, the fact that she held no bitter past and was willing to welcome all, with no burden of the past, made us do better than we normally would, and we were filled with her enthusiasm which was not subject to limitations.

it was soaring free and soon we realized so were we.

For once we had come in contact with learning which was simultaneously setting us free....

ofcourse as time wore on, she did not always remain so, some how the despair won in the end. and we also changed back again, but atleast in those few days we flew - and that would not change with time.

so let us al dare to dream, even if only for a few moments - atleast let us treasure those few moments - and let us keep them as shining memories of brilliant times.

amen .....

---

ITS RAINING AND HOW ..

In the rain thats falling now ..
I sonetimes woonder why and how ...

In the clouds that cover the sky ..
I am looking for something i don't know why..

In the lightning that strikes the ground...
I try to find something that can't be found ..

In the sun that finally shines...
I am looking for otherworldly signs ..

there's an I, me, mine everywhere..
but i can't find a scent of 'u' in the air...

So in the freshly rained earthy smell...
I am trying to find out where i fell..

On the leaves that hold the fallen rain...
I am trying so hard to loose my pain..

On the branches that just turned green..
I am trying to get my slate all clean..

On the forever young green grass around..
I am searching for that long lost sound..

On the muddy roads all so happy wet..
I am looking for someone i haven't met...

..........


may god put a smileon your face ...
.
stay happy ... and forever young......

THE RIGHT THING...


So many things wrong in this world – and yet so many of them so right –
So many things … --- a melting pot of various human emotions each being played out simultaneously with each other – each human at each time an embodiment of some human emotion – and yet at others – standing for something else – and that’s how we have our world – that’s how we inhabit it – that’s how its run – so what is the average person supposed to do in the face of acts of other perfectly average humans – fight for what is rightfully his own – or accept it as the byproduct of ourselves – stand for what is essentially right – but then circumstances are bound to dictate what is right and what is not –

Too many people are deeply patriotic – too many – yet what happens is we pay lip service to the idea – yes we do stand up on both independence and republic day --- proudly recite janagana mana – yes we may even sing a few patriotic songs – we may beam proudly – on the fact that democracy thrives in India ,, while – is no where on the radar in china.. we are all proud of the fact that we have free media ..etc – but how many of us have actually thought of what we do for this country – yeah I know – I am beginning to sound like some stupid git – for whom all there is, is ranting ..
But that’s exactly what I am not doing ..—what I am saying is there are many things u can do – without giving up any of the dreams u have – just remember even ur smallest actions have big effects – u just have to do the right things – u know the things that they taught u at school – things that effectively will take no time at all – example?? –
Well for starters try a little not to throw garbage on the road – switch off lights when not needed – try not to waste water – and think about the amount of resources It takes – every time u use something – things that may appear small – but have catastrophic effect –


For example did u know .. that a village which used to get only 6 hours of electricity every day now gets 24 hours --- because they teamed up with the electricity board – and started using electricity judiciously. – wow..
Right .. that’s what I said ..
People in another village – stopped using tube wells which was causing devastating drop in ground water levels – and started making ponds etc – so that rain water could actually percolate down – and now they have water at 8 meters below ground..—up from – 125 metres below ground level..


Well the rest is just bakwaas.. but – you know.. if u were to do just the little things that u can do – it could make a whole lot of difference..


Maybe enough of us will read the post and decide to change a little part of urself – feel happier for standing up for the right things – maybe u too will do it – and feel happy about taking up responsibility for what is cool..

time -- 19:55
DATE - 15th May 2007
Place - kgp -home?? - (yes maybe this now is home)

there is a weird silence surrounding this place now - the rustle of the trees or the chirping of the birds have never sounded so beautiful as they do here -- there is a weird sense of being at peace with myself - there is a weirdness -- the place usually associated with all the tempo shows me its other side -- there is a weird sense of everything being right -- it is a utopian world out here - its ordered - its beautiful - it is a temple of all the things that make the place worth living as they are --

the soft strains of a beautiful piece of music reach my ears -- as i look up -- i see a
beautiful road -- dim street lamps doting it -- but the beauty of the road doesn't only lie in that - it lies in the many memories that i carry of this road -- its the same stretch of land -- i learnt linked lists on - the same stretch on which i usually shouted out to pavan's balcony -- nine out of ten times eliciting no response -- since Mr Halu -- was not listening -- the same piece of stretch we took innumerable fag breaks -- not to mention the road we roamed around on holi day after being sky high after bhang .. or the same road we celebrated sash's birthday -- the road we tricked nivie into believing all that he had heard during winter vacations was fake --- ...

its really weird since its a small stretch of road no more than 100 meters -- so many memories -- so much fun -- makes me think dont u leave a piece of you every where u stay -- that when u move on -- u have not only taken something but also left behind something ....

life rocks ... seriously ...

May god put a smile on your face ---
...

.....

Twenty......




So… twenty huh? … weird … u have associated myself to be teenager for like forever now… I don’t even distinctly remember the time I turned 13 and became one.. but the most major things in my life … the most interesting , depressing , exciting , happy , sad times … times that taught me so much that if I were to go back to my preteen self I would scarcely recognize myself… my whole self – development process, everything that I currently associate with myself .. approximately came to me as a teenager….

Teenage .. the most mystical , and seducing of times , times which can make or break you , invariably times filled with turmoil. But surely times you cherish forever , surely times you do not forget in a hurry that Is if you ever do , friends that I made now are expected to more or less last me the rest of the time I spend on this planet , two decades down , I may actually be at the half point of my life…. Wow… so I have already spent half the time I’ll practically live on this planet , and what have I done as yet. Well to tell u the truth not much , surely in the next two decades I will have to do some very radical things to actually accomplish things , I realize that my moulding process – my entire psychology is far from being settled if it indeed does get settled ever – something that I very much doubt – so here I am 53 minutes from being in a new place – today when I woke up – I was just an average teenager going back home from college – missing his home a lot – but tomorrow when I get up I will be twenty something which for me is an entirely new experience – I will be an adult looking for a place under the sun – I will be trying to build my niche in this world – I will no longer be liable to be home sick or anything related to that – I will have a whole new responsibility – myself – a promise to myself – something I promised to fulfill dreams I dared to dream lie unfulfilled and I have to move towards them – do something about them – they have for far too long lay un matured – now it is my time to bring them to the fore and go on about chasing something that I truly like and want to do – it is time for me to think about things differently - to do things hitherto undone - to be myself and fulfill the truth of my soul and nourish it with the reward one gets for following ones dream – it is time I say to raise my sword and lead out in the search for reason and existence – no time lie’s on my hand anymore – it is time I get my act together and embark on my personal journey towards self realization and attainment of what I have happened to chance upon this planet – I have spent a considerable amount of time on this planet acquainting myself with it and its various other inhabitants – but now the time has come for me to take the onus on me to take things in my hand and lead them to their rightful result – so it is time my friends – the teenager in me bids adieu to u – and as I turn 20 – I say the things that truly matter for me right now – the things that have come to be understood to be mine –

Life rocks – and it has rocked more than anything as yet ----
I promise to myself that I will die while I am still living – the things I learnt I hold close to me – and the things I did I hold close to me - the things I will do I hold close to me –
The things I will learn I hold close to me – and it is you dear life itself that I hold close to myself – so I say these words which have come to bear a huge meaning in my life -- ---
NO REGRETS -----



Life rocks ………

A sweet breeze blows on my face
and life is such a silly little case
i could not for the world think of anything else
there's joy i feel and no pretense

tomorow may or may not come
but today i enjoy and soak in the sun
and i dont think of the long run
its right now i live and elsewhere none

life rocks.......... it just does...