Current music – none

Current location – home ( is it ??)

Current mood – mixed

Well where do I begin – a lot of questions arise in my mind – a lot of thoughts sift through it – on one level I am stunned by a piece of news that my dear good friend dheeraj has conveyed to me --- mind u only stunned – I am pretty happy about it – although I didn’t see it happening I did never rule out the possibility of it happening --- still it’s a little weird and I cant help but think life will not be the same at kgp once I head back – but the best part is nivie’s reaction – the poor guy has gone into shock –lets see how much time it will take for him to recover – anyway life will be fun and things thankfully stand much clearer today than before – we have one major major problem wiped out from our head ----things have obviously dramatically changed over the vacations still change is welcome and I welcome it with open arms – lets see what life has to teach us at this turn –

I am not really very bored in Mumbai any more – the latest addition to my already overburdened schedule ( note this includes a lot of time ‘doing nothing’- a new zen form of meditation which I have taken a liking to) yesterday was this – a school friend of mine – lost her father --- heart attack u see ( do I sound cheerfull – I swear I am –not--) – so we went to meet her yesterday – I don’t know I feel kind of numb – I mean it wasn’t until I walked up into her flat that I was hit by some real feelings – I mean the whole thing felt so surreal – it was like --it’s a game or something – I mean I myself felt no emotional twinge uptill I met my friend – but I was shocked of the fact that why was I not feeling any emotions – I mean am I less than human now – I don’t even know what human is now – hey u know what its funny na – when we went up there talked to this friend of mine – and then came down back again – the one thing I was always conscious of – was smiling – we do tend to smile a lot u know – I mean I only realized it yesterday when we went up to her place and I mentally had a note of not smiling in my mind ( I know the drill-- why should smiling be bad anywhere – but dude I am at a friends place – I assure u at my death people will be given full license to smile) – but we do smile a lot – I wonder if it will be the same when we grow up – will we still be smiling like we do now –when we grow up more –I mean the “real” adults don’t really seem to be smiling so much – well who knows – but life is pretty unpredictable – i wish my friend all the best – I hope someone up there will give her enough strength to deal with the situation ---

Another thing crossing my clogged mind --- I just read about some of the dalit killings of khairlanji – man its gross – the whole way in which the upper caste worked to attack them – and the gruesome way in which people were attacked is unbelievable – I mean my mind has stopped working – its not human – my whole system is asking me what exactly is humanity --- I mean if people can act in this way then – what is life – and its not the act of a single human being – that ican be whisked away and explained – it was a community at large – how can they do it – how can people be so unpeople like – even animals wont be like this – they cannot be – I mean – if u get furious with the people who did this after reading the following account on this website ( http://www.geocities.com/badolesandeep/khairlanji.pdf ) --I don’t blame u – its absolutely normal --- how can they do it --- what is this caste system --- why was it born – who gave people the right to believe they are better than others – and this total abject domination – what does it all point to --- what kind of society are we –how can I say mera bharat mahan – after reading this – I mean in a country that prides on being family centric and modest and where sex is still a taboo --- how can a group of villagers with there wives inflict such damage on fellow human beings – what could be the provocation for this --- surely nothing can provocate people to commit crimes –the kind which I have ran out of adjectives to define ---- but it is the trend in India – inevitably people in our country choose to make sex an off limits topic --- and then crimes commited are sexual in nature – I probably don’t have to remind u the whole Gujarat affair --- where numerous women were gangraped ---- its……. I don’t know – this just pulls me -- the eternal optimist in a shade --- I don’t know – my country is in trouble ---- we are all in trouble ------ life doesn’t necessarily rock -- it may or may not – depending on how lucky u are and which end of the caste spectrum are u born in ………….

Sad …. I know

May god put a smile on ur face ( I propose a silent prayer for all those people caught on the wrong side of the crossfire – and also for those deranged souls --- who don’t really have souls ---- please please god bring peace to my world --- please ….)

Take care people --- cause I don’t know what this world will think of throwing at u next ….

See ya